Thursday, November 29, 2012

I Ruined My Birthday...

92 Days to Go! 

While I am really excited to say those top words, today was probably the hardest day since deployment began. It was very mentally exhausting and had me emotionally drained. As much as I really wanted to enjoy the day of my birth, I probably ruined it for myself. 

First thing this morning, I woke up sick and emotional. I'm assuming since I've been this way for three days, it must be something I've eaten. I had this huge headache that I could only explain as my blood pressure being high. I was seeing spots in front of my eyes and felt light headed. Before I left, I took my dog outside in the front yard because the back yard is getting a makeover, which I will talk more about in a few. As soon as I walk out the door, I inhale an overwhelming amount of gas. Apparently, the neighbors busted a gas line and our street was closed down by MP's. I couldn't get away from the smell. It was so strong, I started gagging and couldn't stop therefor I made myself sick again. I got dressed and met a few girls from my softball team (love these ladies) for a very tasty lunch at a Mexican restaurant that reminded me of back home. I can't wait to take my husband here when he gets home. We've been looking for a place like the one we were used to! I ate a few chips and I'm assuming from the all the gas I inhaled, I immediately got sick again. Barely made it to the bathroom. At this point, my stomach is not very happy with me. 

I did come home to this surprise in my mailbox. The balloons I later found out was from my awesome friend, Jenn. She is really the best battle buddy anyone can ask for. I like to think we help each other get through tough days. We are women and we get emotional and lonely so she is a great person to talk to. We know exactly what each other is going through. I'm definitely thankful for her. In case I don't tell you enough, Jenn, Thank you for always being there, full of insight, ideas and offers to bring me food and such! 

Inside my mailbox, I find two birthday cards, one from Matt's grandma (with money!!! Going to Hobby Lobby in the morning to get some retail therapy after today!) and then a sweet card from my other friend, Sarah! She knows how much I love Olive Garden!! Look what was inside that card! She is amazing. 

That was all of the good stuff so back to this morning. So, I told  you I'd explain the backyard overhaul. We are getting a new fence. A privacy fence. The men have been working on it for 4 days now. The first day, they pull up the old fence and then took the rest of the day off. The second day, they dig holes and put up the new posts, then took the day off. The third day, they came by to put straw down in the yard (not sure why) and then took the rest of the day off. All of this occurred before 10am. They had a really long lunch break I guess. Then today, the day they should be finished, they put up the wood.... all of the wood.... except the gate! The very thing I nee to keep this 100lb dog inside the wonderful fence they put up. It is NOT easy keeping a monster size dog on a leash in the front yard. He wants to chase every squirrel he sees and follow every person in sight. Those tugs don't help my torn rotator cuff in my shoulder. 

And before I start whining about how I ruined my day, here is an updated belly picture. She is growing fast. I'm 6 months in 2 days. 

Now, off to the miserable part. The part that I brought on myself. The part that ruined everything good that even happened today. Like I said, I woke up emotional. Maybe it was pregnancy hormones or the fact that sometimes I over think things. I expect too many things to happen in a certain way. Almost expecting life and the people in it to be like that out of a fairy tale. I know this isn't realistic. I just want certain things to go so right. When they don't, I turn into a negative brat and think how horrible things are for me. Why do I do this to myself? I've asked myself the same thing and have no idea. I don't expect my life to be perfect and I shouldn't expect the people in them to be either so when things just don't work out for me, I shouldn't beat myself up. I can't change people. I can't make them who they aren't. I am trying so hard to learn that I have to accept the way things are and move on. To not let things so small (no matter how big they seem to me) get  under my skin and change the way I feel, both about myself and anyone else involved. Today, I cried like a baby. Swollen face and eyes and didn't even try to enjoy my day with my boys =[ I also didn't get to REALLY talk to the ONE person that has all of the power in the world to make me happy again. The one guy that makes my day better just by seeing his face, without even hearing his voice. I messed all of this up. Instead of sucking up what had been bothering me, I let it affect me and everyone around me. The people that matter the most. I spent my day being so upset with myself that all of my boys suffered. I fell asleep on the couch around 3pm, due to my excessive crybaby fit, and was woke up at 6pm to my kids asking, "Mom, are we going to have dinner tonight?"  Instead of getting up and finishing my day the right way, with dinner, a movie and some snuggling from the ones I love most, I spent it on the couch =[ I love my boys and I promise to make it up to them. I will have another birthday tomorrow. I apologize to everyone that my actions affected today. I'm a brat. I'm just thankful to the people that accept me for the way I am and love me no matter what. We all have flaws. Sometimes we just have to learn to change our own flaws in order to make other people happy or live with them and make other people unhappy. As for me, I guess I'd rather try my hardest to change my bad ways in order to keep myself and the people around me happy. They deserve that and so do I. I promise to try my best from now on <3

Before bed, a few of us were lucky enough to snuggle with the main man. We all miss him. Its really hard being 11,000 miles away from the other half of your heart and not being able to hug the real thing when you feel your worst. For now, we will have to settle for cardboard. 


  1. Best battle buddy ever!!! Thanks for everything. You rock!! :)