Thursday, November 29, 2012

I Ruined My Birthday...

92 Days to Go! 

While I am really excited to say those top words, today was probably the hardest day since deployment began. It was very mentally exhausting and had me emotionally drained. As much as I really wanted to enjoy the day of my birth, I probably ruined it for myself. 

First thing this morning, I woke up sick and emotional. I'm assuming since I've been this way for three days, it must be something I've eaten. I had this huge headache that I could only explain as my blood pressure being high. I was seeing spots in front of my eyes and felt light headed. Before I left, I took my dog outside in the front yard because the back yard is getting a makeover, which I will talk more about in a few. As soon as I walk out the door, I inhale an overwhelming amount of gas. Apparently, the neighbors busted a gas line and our street was closed down by MP's. I couldn't get away from the smell. It was so strong, I started gagging and couldn't stop therefor I made myself sick again. I got dressed and met a few girls from my softball team (love these ladies) for a very tasty lunch at a Mexican restaurant that reminded me of back home. I can't wait to take my husband here when he gets home. We've been looking for a place like the one we were used to! I ate a few chips and I'm assuming from the all the gas I inhaled, I immediately got sick again. Barely made it to the bathroom. At this point, my stomach is not very happy with me. 

I did come home to this surprise in my mailbox. The balloons I later found out was from my awesome friend, Jenn. She is really the best battle buddy anyone can ask for. I like to think we help each other get through tough days. We are women and we get emotional and lonely so she is a great person to talk to. We know exactly what each other is going through. I'm definitely thankful for her. In case I don't tell you enough, Jenn, Thank you for always being there, full of insight, ideas and offers to bring me food and such! 

Inside my mailbox, I find two birthday cards, one from Matt's grandma (with money!!! Going to Hobby Lobby in the morning to get some retail therapy after today!) and then a sweet card from my other friend, Sarah! She knows how much I love Olive Garden!! Look what was inside that card! She is amazing. 

That was all of the good stuff so back to this morning. So, I told  you I'd explain the backyard overhaul. We are getting a new fence. A privacy fence. The men have been working on it for 4 days now. The first day, they pull up the old fence and then took the rest of the day off. The second day, they dig holes and put up the new posts, then took the day off. The third day, they came by to put straw down in the yard (not sure why) and then took the rest of the day off. All of this occurred before 10am. They had a really long lunch break I guess. Then today, the day they should be finished, they put up the wood.... all of the wood.... except the gate! The very thing I nee to keep this 100lb dog inside the wonderful fence they put up. It is NOT easy keeping a monster size dog on a leash in the front yard. He wants to chase every squirrel he sees and follow every person in sight. Those tugs don't help my torn rotator cuff in my shoulder. 

And before I start whining about how I ruined my day, here is an updated belly picture. She is growing fast. I'm 6 months in 2 days. 

Now, off to the miserable part. The part that I brought on myself. The part that ruined everything good that even happened today. Like I said, I woke up emotional. Maybe it was pregnancy hormones or the fact that sometimes I over think things. I expect too many things to happen in a certain way. Almost expecting life and the people in it to be like that out of a fairy tale. I know this isn't realistic. I just want certain things to go so right. When they don't, I turn into a negative brat and think how horrible things are for me. Why do I do this to myself? I've asked myself the same thing and have no idea. I don't expect my life to be perfect and I shouldn't expect the people in them to be either so when things just don't work out for me, I shouldn't beat myself up. I can't change people. I can't make them who they aren't. I am trying so hard to learn that I have to accept the way things are and move on. To not let things so small (no matter how big they seem to me) get  under my skin and change the way I feel, both about myself and anyone else involved. Today, I cried like a baby. Swollen face and eyes and didn't even try to enjoy my day with my boys =[ I also didn't get to REALLY talk to the ONE person that has all of the power in the world to make me happy again. The one guy that makes my day better just by seeing his face, without even hearing his voice. I messed all of this up. Instead of sucking up what had been bothering me, I let it affect me and everyone around me. The people that matter the most. I spent my day being so upset with myself that all of my boys suffered. I fell asleep on the couch around 3pm, due to my excessive crybaby fit, and was woke up at 6pm to my kids asking, "Mom, are we going to have dinner tonight?"  Instead of getting up and finishing my day the right way, with dinner, a movie and some snuggling from the ones I love most, I spent it on the couch =[ I love my boys and I promise to make it up to them. I will have another birthday tomorrow. I apologize to everyone that my actions affected today. I'm a brat. I'm just thankful to the people that accept me for the way I am and love me no matter what. We all have flaws. Sometimes we just have to learn to change our own flaws in order to make other people happy or live with them and make other people unhappy. As for me, I guess I'd rather try my hardest to change my bad ways in order to keep myself and the people around me happy. They deserve that and so do I. I promise to try my best from now on <3

Before bed, a few of us were lucky enough to snuggle with the main man. We all miss him. Its really hard being 11,000 miles away from the other half of your heart and not being able to hug the real thing when you feel your worst. For now, we will have to settle for cardboard. 

Friday, November 2, 2012

Shit is about to get fancy up in here!

Keep an eye out on the blog for the next 24 hours. I stayed up until 1am doing research on how to fix my own blog and make it look the kind of pretty I had in my head. Apparently thinking was a good idea because it really looks like ass right now. I tried to design a pink Chevron background in Photoshop. It looked amazing but every time I uploaded it, my lines weren't measuring up right and it was driving me crazier than having my kids home from school on a weekday. That's okay, I found a professional and a bad ass blog layout. You just wait and see! Check out this before and (when it gets finished) the after!

This is totally not my style but it was the only background I found to match the template I had.

Blog Template and Installation courtesy of Blogaholic Designs!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

The days linger on...

The days just linger on when I don't hear from him.

Its days like these that make me wish I could sleep all day. The weather was nice but not hearing from him throughout it was just dreadful. Usually I get random emails answering questions I harassed him for the night before or a note just to say that he hopes I'm having a good day. Today was different. Unfortunately, he had to work 16+ hours apparently building the Ritz Hotel of a cardboard work station. Never really understood why the Army wants things to look so pretty in a country that is not so much, but hey.. it keeps them busy. I just wish some days were slower so he could fill my void of missing him by watching his face all day on Skype. I guess its probably a good thing he thinks I'm joking when I say I'd even watch him sleep just to be able to see him. And, I'd do it.. because I'm a total creeper like that =]

My day didn't start off well in the beginning. Not because I knew I wouldn't hear from him all afternoon but because I didn't get any sleep. My two little crazies were up all night fighting over the upstairs bathroom and whose turn it was to puke and poop. At times, Sebastian was doing them both at the same time (everyone who knows me, knows there is never enough TMI so bare with me if you're new). Let's just say it was a long night. Not to mention all of that Halloween walking made my hips hurt like crazy. I thought my legs were going to snap off at the hip like a Barbie every time I tossed and turned. I guess this little baby is growing to remind me of the horrible pregnancy perks that come with that one night of fun. 

Anyway, of course both of the boys stayed home from school this morning and MAGICALLY felt better by noon. Funny how that works out. I'm upstairs getting dressed and presentable. I figured since I felt like shit, I might as well try to appear like I look better. During this adventure of trying to find something that fits and not irritating around my growing belly, all I hear is, "Bubba, stop it! You're not my boss!" and "Stop being a baby before mommy hears you!". I stomp down the stairs and threaten to eat all of their Halloween candy if they don't shut up. It worked... for a minute. They knew I hated chocolate =\

We did manage to get a few things accomplished today. Some are a secret because they are for dad but we did manage to get haircuts. Phoenix loved his "spiky rainbow mohawk" and in true form fashion, Sebastian just complained as usual, "I don't understand why its a big deal to brush my hair everyday anyway!" In between errands, letting the dog run the field out back and cleaning, I finished doing laundry (something I love as much as getting my period while wearing white shorts). 

I guess we all deserved some time to unwind after our busy night of trick-or-treating. We wish he could have been here but there is always next time I s'pose. These next few months are REALLY going to suck without him. I think the Army planned this deployment perfectly. He will miss absolutely every single meaningful holiday. I'm just thankful he can be home for the birth of our daughter. Still crossing my fingers he makes it on time and she doesn't have a mind of her own and make her arrival before he gets off that plane. Anyway, the boys had a great time last night. They said it was the biggest score they've had in such a short time. My hips and feet surely thought it was much longer and definitely not worth it. I'm just glad its over with and we came home to pass out candy instead. I think they have enough to re-gift even fill their stockings with ;)