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Sunday, September 16, 2012

Day One is the Hardest

Well, it is official. Today marks day one of our deployment. I miss him already. 

Today has been really hard. I had to kiss goodbye to the very person I have become completely and utterly attached to. My best friend. My soul mate. Matt left for Afghanistan in the early morning hours for a 9 month deployment. As much as I am thankful that I won't have to deal with a 12 month deployment, it doesn't lessen the suck. I hope this blog will help relieve some stress and keep him updated on my complaints ;)


So far today, I've only cried about 12 times. That's about 90% less than yesterday so I'm doing better. I know it will get better with time but little things remind me of how much I will miss him. Things like finding a Jolly Rancher in the dryer makes me weak. If anyone knows Matt, they know he always has these in his pocket. And laundry, well, laundry is his 'thing'. Little things like remembering to take the trash to the road on Sunday nights and making sure the front door is locked is just added things to worry about forgetting. It doesn't help that Phoenix keeps rubbing my back and asking me not to cry again. I completely broke down when he hugged me today and said, "I love you, Mommy. Matt made me promise to hug you all the time for him." He is a sweet boy and already misses his 'BFF4L' (best friend for life). 


Matt keeps telling me to keep my head up and stay positive. Sounds impossible when it comes from the mouth of a strong individual to a hormonal pregnant lady. I guess there are a few things to look forward to, like not shaving or holding my farts back, however, I'd gladly hold them in until I popped if it meant he could have stayed. I think the hardest part for me is knowing he will be working long days and missing our pregnancy. We are expecting a little girl, which I am completely stoked about! This will be a wonderful change after having two boys. 

So for this deployment, I have plans to incorporate Matt into our daily routine. It may sound silly but my friend, Katelyn, and I are going to make 'stuffed husbands' and pose them doing the things they normally do. Her husband also deployed with Matt so she will be my 'battle buddy'. I think together, we can make this time go by faster. We plan to pose our guys having dinner with us, doing dishes, cooking, laundry, sleeping, fishing and anything else we can think of. I am excited about this project and ready to start it. Of course, I will have plenty of pictures!! 

For now, we will just start counting down the days until he is home. I started this 'deployment jar'. Every night we go to bed, we take a marble out and put it into the other jar. As of tonight, we only have one but its a good start for now. I know it doesn't make it get here faster but I totally put the biggest marble in the 'happy jar'. I'm hoping to fill it up soon so I can hold him in my arms again. (And yes, the cat is a creeper)


Matt, if and when you get to read this, I want you to know that I miss you very much. My heart is incomplete and aches without you. I know it will get better. As for now, my world turns slowly. You are the most amazing man in the universe. The perfect role model for the boys and an amazing father. I will miss nights under the stars with you, cuddles on the couch, those goofy faces you always make and even finding pens and Jolly's in the dryer. You're my words when I have nothing else to say. You're my shelter from the rain. You are my happy and I'm forever tangled up in you. I love you more than you could ever imagine! 






6 comments:

  1. Proud of you! And so happy you decided to blog too. Day one is over! We made it through day one, and tomorrow (should be) a little easier.

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    1. Well, thanks for talking me into it. And if tomorrow isn't easier... I have you to cry with <3 Thanks for being a great friend and I'm here for you if you need me, as I know you'll be there for me!

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  2. You girls are strong and wonderful women that I am so glad to have met. If you ever need anything please let me know....I can be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen when you need!

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  3. I love you, pretty girl. I hope you get some sleep tonight. You have the hardest job in the world and you're doing wonderfully.

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    1. I love you! I'm glad you made it to Germany safely. I hope you can get some sleep before you make it to Afghanistan. Dream of me! I miss you to the moon and back <3

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