Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Is it Over Yet?

Is It Over Yet?

Today was the end of day 11. I wish those triple digits would hurry up up and arrive!

Starting off the day was rough. Last night I decided to drive a total of eight hours to pick up my sister for a 9 day visit with my niece. I know that isn't much but I will take what I can get these days. Spending time with family and friends really help make the time go by faster, especially when they can do little things like help put away groceries and make the boys lunch. Its the little things that Matt used to help with make visits so much more special. Plus, I stay busy and don't think about all the downfalls of deployment as much.

We got home around 5:30 this morning because I couldn't leave until after my volleyball game that ended at 7pm. Sorry, but I can't miss my only chance at fun and activities. It was a pretty smooth trip and I made great timing. Best news was that I got to Skype my husband from my moms computer before leaving. It still sucks that we can't talk to each other. I really miss his soothing voice.

Because I was pure exhausted from the trip, I ended up sleeping past my normal talk time with him. He messaged be but I was too dead to hear it. I basically haven't heard from him all day. Its really sad and unfortunate but it wouldn't be the first crappy sacrifice I had to make and I'm sure it won't be the last ={

After I pulled my butt out of bed, I decided I had to go grocery shopping. Our cabinets were completely bare. So bare, in fact, I'm sure there was dust and spider webs inside. I walked out of Walmart spending $262 and change and feel like there was only a weeks worth of food. I did manage to pick up a few baby things for Brynzee. I'm not a religious person but I've prayed to anyone that would listen to give me a little girl. My husband made that dream come true and I'm very thankful! He will be an amazing father and he is just as excited as I am. So yes, I might go just a little PINK crazy!

I seen this picture and thought it sounding like something my Matty would say. Be waned, little boys!

After my sister and I put groceries away, we headed to Olive Garden. Yes, I did have that a few days ago. Don't judge me. It is delicious. Oh course, I brought my Matty along! He gets his own place on the table. People might see him and wonder why the weird lady has an over sized head attached to a wine glass, sitting right next to her. It doesn't bother me one bit. They can stare all they want but if it is the only face of his I get to stare for the next 9 months, then I will take it! 

As usual, he turns his nose up to trying any of my pasta. The expression on the picture fits perfectly.

He even hated the driving. I think I'm a pretty good driver!

After dinner, we stopped by Pet Smart to pick up a few goodies for Sarge. He has been a pretty good boy the past 11 days so he deserved to be surprised. He scored some huge bones, new Frisbee, bacon treats, and a new collar/harness (so he will stop yanking me so hard that he pulls his collar off).

I think he was excited most about the warm gray doggy sweater he got! Look how excited he was! He literally LOVES it! Acts like he has been wearing clothes his entire life! His face looks like he was saying, "OMG, its so AWESOME!!" Now he won't get cold during the winter either.

He was so excited that he got a new bone, he thought I was going to steal it.

I am off to bed. My eyes are blurry because of my blood pressure and migraine so I am making this blog short today. Even thought I haven't talked to my husband all day, I am really excited that he is on his way to his final destination! A place that has a more comfortable bed to sleep on and hopefully better internet! I am crossing my fingers he makes it there safe and is able to get some privacy. Sleeping inches from 300 stinky men must suck. I did send a huge Care Package out today (one of many). Lots of little things and snacks too. I hope it gets there soon and helps remind him of home. I wish I could send all of the things I want and it didn't take so long to make it there! 

Anyway, I was going through some old pictures and this one made me smile! That night was amazing and makes me wish we could start all over again. I've never felt so loved. I miss you, Matty! 

Off to sleep and dream of my amazing husband. I'm hoping if I go to sleep now, I can dream of holding him in my arms again. A real dream is better than a day dream any day! Hopefully the morning will bring a possible talk with my love.  For now, I'm off to cuddle your pillow and wish you were home with me. Tangling your legs with mine and lying so close, we both sweat our like we're in a sauna.

I love you and I hope I talk to you soon. Off to add my marble. 

Saturday, September 22, 2012

One Week Down!!

Its Been a Week!

I guess now I can stop counting the days. I think I made it through the hardest week of my life, at least that is how it felt. Even though I didn't update yesterday, it was a good day. I got out of the house, cleaned some house and managed to sleep 9 full hours! Only woke up twice. My body really needed that. This baby is sucking the life out of me. I really needed a few naps today but stayed up to catch up on work instead. I am planning a Halloween bash for our company spouses and children. Hopefully this will help get their mind off of the sadness they have felt as well. I'm planning games and prizes and we are even going to do 'Ghost handprints' with white paint and black paper to send to their soldier! Don't tell.. this is a surprise! 

So, you must know I've decided to cloth diaper. I am really excited about this. Mostly because Matty does the laundry (and he does it well!) but also to save money have the cuteness factor! Here are a few that I have so far! Instead of making a registry on a website. I am going to just update my Pinterest wish list, which you can find HERE. I can save everything I want in one spot, regardless of the store! If I had less control, I'd be shopping my stress away in diapers! They are too adorable. Never mind, I lie. I have no control.. just broke this week ;) haha

Seriously! Just look at them and tell me you'd be able to contain yourself? Thank my friends that got me started! (Dena and Jennifer D) Both of you are held responsible when Matt has to do his first load of diaper duty! I am giving him both of your numbers. 

The only real productive thing (other than FRG work related stuff) was take the dog to the park with my friend, Leanne, and her dogs. Usually it is just him and I but today... it was like he had won the lottery! There were so many puppy butts to sniff, I think he got overwhelmed! He had lots of fun and we're going back tomorrow. 

There were kids there too. Usually he likes to lick them. He was more interested in 'Cupcake' the poodle in the fence next to ours. He loves playing with little dogs more than big ones for some reason. 

And before I wrap this very brief blog post up, I just want to say how SUPER EXCITED I am that Matty finally has some internet to use! He can actually sit on his cot and talk to me. Its still crappy and slow so we have to mute the mic to keep from disconnecting but we can still stare at each others face and type back and forth. It was the most awesome thing that has happened to me all week (Next to pooping! Pregnancy constipation sucks!) I will hopefully get to hear from him twice a day! At least until he leaves that location to head to his final destination. I hope time flies for him so he can get into some clean clothes!

Matty, I can't wait for you to get home and finish spending forever with me. Actually, forever isn't nearly long enough but its a good start! Here are some pictures to remind you of home! I love you! 

I DO!!! I DO!! I really do! 

I really adore this one! 

Off to dream of you! 

Thursday, September 20, 2012

I Feel Human Again

Day Five

(And even though I am a grammar Nazi, I am too tired to proofread!)

Still having trouble sleeping. Went to bed around midnight last night after a healthy dose of Tylenol PM. I was hoping it would help keep me asleep instead of my body jolting me awake as if I had just ingested bath salts. Needless to say, it didn't work. I was able to get a few hours, only waking up once before Matt called me right at 4am. I talked to him for about 15 minutes, which is all the time they are allowed when borrowing the phone. After I spoke to him, I couldn't fall asleep again. Got the kids up at 6 and passed out again. Was able to sleep for 2 more hours which was very exciting and refreshing. 

Phoenix stayed home from school today. Woke up with a little fever and sinus issues. I fed him breakfast, walked away and when I came back, he had Matts picture beside his cereal bowl. He misses him very much. After he ate, he did help me clean, which was the first time since Matt left. I had so much dust in my house, it looked like an episode of Hoarders. I managed to finish almost everything, except the laundry! I figure I will get to that one day. 

It was nice outside so took the dog to the park and then we sat on the couch with the windows up watching cartoons. I was able to get some work done so I feel slightly accomplished. I find myself looking at my phone a lot, hoping I haven't missed his call or a message. I did find this really cute background that I love and even downloaded an app to help me keep track of the time in Afghanistan. I'm also counting down the days until Brynzee is born, which is hopefully when I get to see my husband again. I really miss his face. 

I had another volleyball game tonight. The Courier was actually there taking pictures which was cool. I hope they got a good shot of me looking badass ;) We won the first game, lost the second and lost by 2 points in the deathmatch. I don't mind because we still had less players than them!! Its nice to get exercise and have fun at the same time. I really wish my husband was here to watch. He was at absolutely every single one of my softball games.. for two seasons. It was nice to look over and just see him there. Now, I just spend the whole game wishing he was. 

And for dinner, we had pizza AGAIN. Yes, again! Don't judge me. Its delicious. 

I feel lame because there really isn't much to report. Maybe because I'm too exhausted to think right now and partly because we were pretty lazy and just cleaned. The best part about today, besides having enough energy to clean and talking to my husband, was the fact that before I go to bed tonight, I can add one more marble to our jar! Time isn't flying by no means but at least I make it out each day knowing I'm one day closer. 

I love you, Matty Jay! Your baby is moving a lot today! I must have shaken her up at volleyball :) 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I'm Making It

Day Four

I promise as time goes on, I won't continue to post the days. Hopefully there are so many days that pass so quickly that I lose track of the count. It seems as though this entire week is going to continue to be hard. I was hoping it would be over by now but I guess the reality of him being gone for so long is all I have been concentrating on. I know its not the best thing to focus on but all of my lack of sleep has me extra emotional, as if I am mourning from a funeral. I'm so physically and mentally exhausted that I already want a nap tomorrow. I need to get my shit together. So far, I've let the boys eat potato chips for breakfast, forgot to buy bread for their lunch so they had to eat at school, slacked on laundry so I was up until 1am waiting on the dryer because all of Sebastian's uniforms were dirty, I've forgotten to feed the cat and left the dog outside when I went to pick up a friend something from the gas station. I won't begin to describe how long I sat around before I brushed my teeth or put a bra on. I think after this week when he gets to where he is going and starts to settle, I will too. For now, I will remain a mess.

As for today,

I went to the fabric store to pick up from muslin cotton fabric for my "Stuffed Husband". Once I can catch up on sleep, which has eluded me for days now, and get my house cleaned, I will start this awesome project.  Then, I will pose him doing all of his favorite things..

I tried to come home and take a nap but I just can't fall asleep, no matter how tired I am. I closed my eyes in a dark room with a pillow and blanket but nothing helped. Once the boys came home from school, a nap would have been completely out of the question. I helped them with homework and read Phoenix a book. He said I don't read "As funny as Matt". Right before leaving, Matt took book duty and Phoenix REALLY enjoyed it. I think he is really missing that part of Matt being gone the most right now =[

Then it was time for our monthly FRG meeting. While I was gone to the meeting tonight, I came home to find that the dog had chewed up some of our blinds.... again. I guess he has anxiety when we all leave and just doesn't know what to do. And before you ask, Matt.. No, I did not beat him.

After the meeting, we stopped and picked up a pizza for dinner. I haven't cooked anything since Matt left, not even Ramen noodles. We opened up our box and started talking about Matt. Phoenix mentioned that Sebastian had already started eating his pizza without waiting for mommy. Then he said, "Well, that's not nice, bubba. Matt always waits for mommy to sit down before he eats!". That is completely true. It amazes me how observant he is and how much he looks up to Matt. Instead of tearing up like I wanted to, I walked to the door and grabbed a picture we had taken at Chuck E Cheese and taped it beside us. We sat there and ate dinner with our hero and talked about him the entire time. The boys liked it. I need to hurry up and finish my 'Stuffed Husband' or 'Matt Daddy' as we may call it.

I haven't heard from Matt all day. He warned me I may not but it still really sucks. Especially when that is the only thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think about when you go to bed. I'm sure I will hear from him sometime tomorrow. At least, I hope. While I go take some Tylenol PM and hope it helps me sleep, I will add these pictures of our photo session the day he deployed. They melt my heart.

Each night I put my head to my pillow, I try telling myself I'm strong because I've gone one more day without you. I know distance never separates two hearts with love like ours so my love will continue to grow to fill the miles between us. I love you very much and when I tell you that I love you, I don't say it out of habit. I say it because I like to remind you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are my rock and my weakness. Being in the Army sure sucks sometimes. The distance is hard, the worry is hard and the sacrifices are hard but loving you is definitely the easiest thing I've ever done and THAT, my love, will NEVER change. You are my forever. Please stay safe and hurry home. I'm impatiently waiting <3

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

I Finally Shaved My Legs...

Day Three. 

Today was a very long and exhausting day. Both mentally and physically. It all started with the boys waking up extra whiny. I cannot emphasize the word. 'whiny' enough. I got them off to school and came inside to take a nap. Yes, it was only 8am but don't judge an emotional pregnant lady. While I was outside, I did notice that one of my neighbors must be looking out for me and drug the trash cans from the road and sat them by the garage. Really nice but showed me how bad I am slacking already =\ It just empowered me even more to go back to bed. Before I could close my eyes, I got the best phone call!  If there is a heaven, I was definitely there. Not only did I get to talk to my Matty, he was actually able to Skype me too! Completely started my day off right. Too bad it had to end. He is amazing. His camera is distorted. Actually makes his nose look like he is in a circus mirror. Haha I'd still love you even if it really looked like that <3

He was really sick and over tired, however, here he was trying to get ME to smile. 

And here was his usual goofy 'kissy face'. I wish it had been real. 

After the phone call, I took a shower, which was desperately needed. It woke me up and made me feel like a real human again. I met a friend and fellow volunteer for our FRG to chat about things and somehow it led me to decide on cloth diapering our little Brynzee. I think they are adorable and will save lots of money. It shouldn't be too hard since Matt does the laundry, right?! Lol Sorry babe but you have been volunteered. 

They are OOBER cute and colorful. Add a shirt and its a complete outfit. Then, no one will notice that I have my baby in public with just a diaper on! haha I doubt anyone notices things like that in Walmart anymore anyway ;) I will gladly accept any baby gifts in the form of gift certificates from THIS link as well. 

See how cute?! Don't you agree we should do this, babe? ;) 

Here is what I had for lunch. Totally healthy, I know!

After a great talk, I rushed home to get the boys off the bus. We packed up and took the dog to the park. It had the kids just as exhausted as the dog! One of the pictures I took caught Phoenix in a face plant after the dog tripped him. HAHA! Call me a bad mom but I had to laugh. Timing was just too perfect! 

We had our first volleyball game today. As much as I looked forward to growing these leg hairs into a full blown pair of pants, I had to shave them for the game. It was worth it. I hadn't played since 7&8th grade of middle school. I will not discuss my age but that has been a while ago! Unfortunately, there wasn't a fall season softball so we have to wait until March for that to start. Perfect timing on that as well since Brynzee should just be born. Only four of our girls ended up showing up so we had to play four against six. Their team started out playing 5 to our 4 just to be fair but when we gave them a run for their money and started kicking ass, they added their additional player. We did end up losing but I think we worked very well considering! Our softball coach came to show his support and I stuck him being the photographer! They are blurry but they are better than none! I think if we played an even number, we most certainly would have won! 

And last but not least, after the game, I received some texts from Matty! No matter how stressed I was from the kids acting like clowns and being behind on FRG work and emails, it still made me smile. I could have really used a hug from him today. These days are going by so slowly. I need to hurry up and find my energy and motivation so I can make it through the days easier. 

Before I add another marble to my deployment jar, here is a little love note for my love. 

Matty, I love you. I couldn't possibly tell you that often enough but I think it every second of every day. You're such and important person in my life and I appreciate everything you do for me and the boys. Thank you for all of the sacrifices you have made, for us and for yourself. Please know they do not go unnoticed. You are my king and I am forever your queen. I miss you terribly.